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Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Where can I learn more about you?
A: There's a biography here.
There is also an irregularly updated blog over here.
Q: You're a sex writer, why don't you
write about your own sex life?
A: I find that it's healthy for me to maintain a healthy separation
between my professional life and my personal life. Keeping my personal
sexuality out of the scope of my public work is part of the way I
maintain that separation.
Q: Are you married?
A: Not in the eyes of the law, no. I do, however, live with my life
partner. We have been together for ten years now. We own a
house
and a car together, and have raised two cats and a dog. We
fight,
we disagree, we share colds and flus, we clean up after one another, we
nurse one another through dental work and bouts of the blues, we bicker
about whose turn it is to take out the garbage. Yet we still
delight in one another's company and laugh at each other's jokes and
can't imagine what we would do without one another. I figure
that's about as married as anyone gets.
Q: Are you bisexual?
A: No. I describe my sexual orientation as "sovereign," meaning that I
am the sole arbiter of what my sexuality encompasses at any given point
in time. For more about what a sovereign sexual identity means, please
read my essay "Learning
to Love the Rain: The Queer Vitality of Sexuality Beyond Identity."
Q: If I write to you, will you write me
back?
A: Maybe. Please bear in mind that if I do happen to jot you a quick
note back to say thanks for a letter you send my way, I may very well
not have time/inclination to develop that into a protracted
correspondence. It's nothing personal; I'm simply a very busy person.
Q: Can you send me a copy of one of your
books?
A: No. Writers make their living by selling books.
I invite you to buy as many as you like.
Q: Will you meet up with me for
coffee/dinner/drinks/an evening in my hotel room?
A: Probably not. Every once in a while I get an invitation from a
friendly and kindred-spirit-seeming reader that I do accept, but
generally speaking, the answer is no. And as far as asking me to join
you in your hotel room, or assuming that because I write about sex that
I am thus interested in having sex with you, the answer is no. Please
don't ask, and please don't make me have to get your ISP to ban you as
a user by asking twice. That's called harrassment and it's illegal.
Q: If I send you some writing, will you
consider publishing it?
A: Not unless you are doing so in response to, and carefully following,
a specific set of submissions guidelines for a specific project I am
editing. These, when they come up, will be listed in my blog.
Q: I'm looking for an agent. Can you
introduce me to yours?
A: No.
Q: I really want to be a writer. What
should I do?
A: Write. I know it sounds flippant, but if you have written nothing,
you aren't going to get anywhere anyway. Join a writers' group. Look
for calls for submissions and begin submitting your work. Most of all,
keep writing.
Photos by Hanne. Site by Jhames