12.15.06

A Hanukkah present for my Belovedary

Posted in Belovedary, cats, short stories, writing at 12:20 pm by Hanne Blank

P’an Ku’s Companions,
Or,
Where You Come From

By Hanne Blank, based on Taoist creation myths

For Malcolm, Chanukah 2006 / 5767

A long time ago, so long ago that there was not even such a thing as time, before the sun stretched for the first time and felt its bones glowing bright and hot, the Universe was a vast blank Nothing.

In the Nothing it was not light, it was not dark, it was not clear, it was not foggy, it was simply nothing. Endless nothing, nothing at all. There was no curve to the nothing, no walls, not even the suggestion of a shape, and no time either, nothing that would tell you how long ago it had been or how far in the future it might be, only a single unending moment so dense in its nothingness that when Something finally appeared in the Nothing, the Nothing didn’t even notice it.

The Something noticed, though. Huge and majestic, it noticed in its sleep. Eyelids so large they looked as if they had been stitched out of blue whales’ bellies fluttered but did not open. There was a booming grunt, a colossal fart. Then the Something rolled over, cocooned within swirls of chaos and spouts of sound and skeins of primal Stuff, all of which swaddled the Something head to toe. The Something, the Stuff, the chaos, and all the rest, even the grunts and farts, were in turn contained within a vast eggshell.

The Egg was not contained in anything at all. For eighteen thousand years — or so people say — the Egg waited in the Nothing while the Something slept. Every so often the Something would shift position, and drift close to the surface of the water of Dream that it sensed the Nothing beyond its eggshell bed, but there was no reason to wake up yet.

Until there was.

The Something opened its eyes, blinking away the crusts of symphonies yet-to-be, the someday breakfasts of kings and concubines, and future seaside villages. It yawned, and the cataclysm of sounds within the eggshell arrayed itself in sympathy, vibrating the eggshell so madly that a crack opened up in the shell.

The Something could feel the crack in the Egg like you feel a change in the weather. The pressure of the Stuff rushing toward the crack, compelled by its nature to go toward the Nothing, made his ears pop and his skin tingle. The Egg itself, heretofore a silent player in the drama, gave a shuddering, juddering, miles-long moan of weary yearning.

Oh well, the Something thought. No time like the present.

The Something kicked out with one mighty foot, a foot as big as Chomolungma, on the end of a leg as long as the Amazon, and smashed the eggshell into a million times a million luminous shards.

The chaos rushed out. The sound rushed out. The Stuff rushed out. Glittering fragments of eggshell flew into the Nothing, turning end over end like certain sorts of leaves. And everywhere the chaos went, everywhere the sound went, everywhere the Stuff went, everywhere the eggshell went, they left trails of Something behind them.

In the middle of it all was the Something, titanic and naked. His broad face gleaming and his mighty arms outstretched, he spun madly, fingers splayed, in the middle of what had formerly been the void but now contained him, P’an Ku.

As he got over the shock of it, P’an Ku looked around. The new place was exciting and noisy and busy. It would be impossible to sleep, now. Everything was rushing all over everywhere, now that there was an everywhere for it to rush all over. P’an Ku was spattered all over with globs of it. He wiped Stuff and fragments of eggshell out of his eyes and winkled it out of his ear with a pinky finger. No sooner had he cleaned his face off than another clot of Stuff as big as England hit him square between the eyes.

This will never do, P’an Ku thought as he recovered from the blow. He might have said it aloud but he didn’t want to open his mouth under the circumstances. Instead he started sorting.

P’an Ku plucked Stuff from the air as it passed him, caught sounds as they flew. He snatched scraps of shining eggshell as they hurtled by, and snagged hanks of chaos without even looking. The work made him happy. It seemed to be what he was meant to do.

P’an Ku rolled the Stuff into neat balls, some larger, some smaller. decorating them with fantastic, rich, lush arrangements of sound, and wrapping some of them in lovely complicated webs of chaos, all anchored firmly in the Stuff lest it come loose again. The eggshell bits he put in his mouth, feeling the powerful tingling of them slowly penetrate his whole head until his ears buzzed and his eyes glowed. Now and then he would grin just because it was so amusing how the light of the dazzling eggshell pieces shone through the spaces between his teeth.

Eventually P’an Ku had collected and sorted everything that had come out of the Egg when he cracked it open. Exhausted after all his work, P’an Ku looked around glumly. The last time he slept he had had the Egg to lie down in. Now there was no place to lie down.

What to do? Poor P’an Ku was all alone, with nothing but a mouthful of eggshell and a collection of Stuff-balls, hovering in the deep dark black of space. He still had to figure out what to do with his wonderful collections, his carefully-crafted orbs and his mouthful of luminous eggshell. But he was so weary that his magnificent bones ached. He needed rest before he could continue. So P’an Ku tried to lay down where he was.

This worked, after a fashion, and P’an Ku relaxed, wrapped arms like peninsulas around a torso broad as a desert, and began to shut his eyes. Whereupon a Stuff-ball thwacked him hard in the back of the head. He sat up, clapping a hand across his Grand Canyon mouth lest he give in to the temptation to shout and lose all the eggshell bits.

When P’an Ku looked around he could see that his Stuff-balls, no longer corralled, had gone spinning off into space, and were caroming about wildly just as the Stuff and the chaos and the sound and the eggshell had before.

Fine, thought the exhausted P’an Ku, if that’s the way the Stuff is going to behave, I’ll just have to show it who’s boss.

Rallying the scrag-ends of his strength, P’an Ku began to round up Stuff-balls, leaping through space to catch them in their flight. Each time he caught one, he would mash it into a wad with the others, forming a huge ball of Stuff that got bigger and bigger and bigger with each captured ball, chaos and sound interleaved throughout the enlarging mass, no longer elegant but crushed together willy-nilly.

The more Stuff-balls P’an Ku caught, though, the further he had to go to catch the next, because they were still bouncing and flying, still drawn by the inexorable tendency of Stuff to go where there is none. Too, P’an Ku was carrying his enormous amalgamated ball of Stuff, which rapidly became even larger than he. Because P’an Ku was mighty, he kept carrying it, even when his ball began to dwarf him, and because P’an Ku was determined, he kept hurrying after the missing Stuff-balls while carrying his gigantic prize.

Eventually, though, poor P’an Ku could catch no more. He was simply too tired. By this time, though, his collection had formed a Stuff-ball so huge that even P’an Ku realized it would crush him flat if it should hit him in his sleep. So instead of taking the risk of having the enormous Stuff-ball land on top of him, P’an Ku decided that the solution was for him to get on top of the Stuff-ball.

Depleted to the point that his eyelids sagged and his knees wobbled, P’an Ku stood precariously atop his huge ball. He looked out into the black, dimly able to see hints of faraway rogue Stuff-balls, and sighed so hard that the Essence of Life itself was knocked from its fragile moorings within him. Eyes popping fully open in surprise, P’an Ku watched the slender blue wriggling form of the Essence of Life as it danced away into the black, then toppled onto his back, dead as stones.

Instantly a fountain of light erupted from P’an Ku’s head. His mouth, knocked open by the fall, released its glowing shards of primordial eggshell and they plumed up and up and out into the black, spangling the length of space with stars. The stars lit up the body of the dead P’an Ku, half-buried in the soft Stuff he had collected, smeared with chaos.

Blood ran from his ears, turning clear as it hit the surface of the Stuff-ball, running in rivulets and rivers, collecting in ponds and lakes and even seas. The Essence of Life, drawn by the promising sound of rushing water, came to watch, and her delighted dance made P’an Ku’s thick black hair grow leaves and bark, flowers erupting from its whorls. Even the hair on his toes turned to grass that waved in the breezes and winds that had been set in motion by P’an Ku’s final great sigh. As massive in death as he had been in life, P’an Ku’s flesh turned to stone, his bones to precious jewels, his nerves to veins of gold and silver, which is why the most precious gems and metals are found deep underground, layered in the rock.

By and by, probably through the mad whirling whispers of the Essence of Life, who is the only entity to travel between our Universe and the Realm of the August Personage of Jade whenever she will, word of the magnificent P’an Ku traveled to the Court of the Immortals.

“Hm,” mused the dragon goddess Nü-Kua, preening her beautiful blue body so that it shone almost as brightly as the eternal glow of the heavens. “That sounds like something I would like to see.”

With a flick of her powerful tail, Nü-Kua set off to the resting place of the great P’an Ku, navigating by the stars until she found him.

“Such a beautiful world he made!” she cried, marveling at the greens and blues and browns and golds and reds of it, at the steep majesty of the mountains that were P’an Ku’s body, at the delicious sensation of grass beneath her Divine feet. Nü-Kua swam in the lakes and proclaimed them beautiful and worthy too. She flew through the clouds and proclaimed them beautiful and worthy, too. Nü-Kua warmed herself in the sands of the fiery deserts and cooled herself lingering on the glittering ice shelves of the polar zones. For fun, she raced around the equator, chasing her own tail until she got dizzy and fell giggling into the warm, salty sea.

“The only thing wrong with this world,” Nü-Kua said as she floated on her back in the sea, churning up enormous waves with her superlative tail, “is that there is no one here to enjoy it but me, and I cannot stay forever. When I go back to the Realm of the August Personage of Jade, there will be no one here to keep poor P’an Ku company.”

Nü-Kua swam to shore. Taking mud from the coastal flats, she began to sculpt creatures. With care and precision, Nü-Kua shaped myriad creatures out of the stiff mud: fish and horses, spiders and ducks, gorillas and dogs, elephants and dung beetles, mudskippers and platypuses. Every kind of creature that walks or crawls or creeps or leaps or flies or swims, Nü-Kua made it with her long careful dragon fingers, lining them up at the water’s edge.

Nü-Kua took a step back and regarded her creations. There were almost enough, she thought, but not quite. Scooping up some more mud, she sculpted three more creatures: a woman, a man, and a cat.

“There,” Nü-Kua said, finally pleased. “That’s exactly what was needed. Now P’an Ku will always have company.” With that, Nü-Kua leaned down and breathed her Divine breath into every last one of the creatures, opening their bodies so that the Essence of Life could find a place within them to inhabit. Nü-Kua reached out to the heavens and beckoned to the Essence of Life, who rushed to explore all these new things, and one by one, all the world’s creatures were brought to life.

Having seen to it that P’an Ku would not lack companionship, and having seen all there was to see of the world, Nü-Kua made ready to return to the Realm of the August Personage of Jade. Just then she felt a tiny tap on her left forefoot and looked down to see what it was. It was the Man she had made, kneeling before her in fear, awe, and confusion.

“Please, Great Goddess,” the Man said, “Can you help me? I am so small and this place is so big and I’m afraid I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Nü-Kua nodded, pity welling up in her heart. She had made him rather tiny, hadn’t she, compared to the size of P’an Ku’s world. Why, even had she made a thousand more like the Man, then crammed them all together in a bundle, they wouldn’t be even as big as P’an Ku’s littlest toe. The poor thing was going to need a sense of Purpose if he was going to survive. So Nü-Kua lifted the Man up to eye level and looked him over carefully, then gently brought the trembling creature to her lips. With the tiniest kiss she could manage, she imparted Purpose to the Man, then set him gently back down again.

Now Nü-Kua turned her attention to the Woman, who sat on a fallen tree trunk, playing with the cat with a long piece of grass. It would never do, Nü-Kua thought, to give a gift to the Man without giving a gift to the Woman as well, how unfair! But it was also perfectly clear to Nü-Kua that the woman already had a sense of Purpose, though where she’d gotten it from even Nü-Kua didn’t know.

Nü-Kua thought about it for a moment, then realized she knew exactly what to give the Woman. Nü-Kua encircled the woman’s shoulders with the tip of her tail, so as not to disturb her ability to play with the cat, and with a twitch of her inmost Divine essence, transmitted the gift of Endurance to the Woman.

The woman felt it and smiled, looking up and over her shoulder at the spiraling blue beauty of Nü-Kua. “Thank you,” said the Woman. “That will certainly be useful. I am eternally in your debt, mighty Nü-Kua.”

The Woman bowed deeply from her seat on the log, and when she straightened, she looked up at the dragon goddess again. Nü-Kua’s right eyebrow arched in question, sending sparkling rays of iridescent light arcing crazily across the seashore.

“I was just wondering, O beautiful, O powerful Nü-Kua, about the Cat,” the Woman said. “Have you no gift to give such a marvelous creature as this?”

“The Cat,” answered Nü-Kua with the faintest hint of a smile, “has everything it needs already.”

With that, Nü-Kua lifted her long splendid body into the air and flew off into the stars, guiding herself through and beyond the stars, back to the Realm of the August Personage of Jade.

12.09.06

Blogging from the Bridge

Posted in Belovedary, domesticity, geek, good things, shiny, writing at 8:35 am by Hanne Blank

By rights, this entry should probably begin “Captain’s Log, Stardate such-and-such.” Why? Well, fortunately for all of us including him, it isn’t because I am channeling William Shatner. Rather it has to do with how I am writing this entry.

With a pen. On a plastic tablet. Just like Yeoman Rand, but not with that hair. I can’t rock that complicated a wig at 8 am on a Saturday.

The tablet is something called a Wacom Graphire tablet, and the pen is an induction stylus that goes with it, and both were an early Chanukah gift from my Belovedary, who reasoned that perhaps my RSl issues might be helped by my having alternate input devices for my computer, enabling me to vary my arm and hand movements more. So far so good, although I must note in the interest of full disclosure that it is now possible, should a person get a little manic about keeping a deathgrip on one’s stylus, to get writers’ cramp from using the computer.

I rather like handwriting into my computer, though. There’s something about it that profoundly satisfies my innermost Luddite. It is much slower than typing, partly because it is, and partly because the character recognition takes time, and then going through what you’ve written to make sure the character recognition was correct (varies, depending on your handwriting and on the vocabulary you use; it tends not to recognize unfamiliar words as well as familiar ones, etc.) takes more time. But there are some nice things about having it be slower: one thinks more, or at least I find that I do, while writing. It’s one of the things I like about using manual typewriters, too. They just slow you down a little bit.

In other news-you-can’t-probably-use, the bathroom entropy situation is significantly improved although not yet completely rectified. We were able to shower yesterday, though not without the adjunct of some duct-taped plastic sheeting over critical bits that have yet to be retiled. I can’t tell you how jolly it was to be able to take a shower without worrying that I was secretly soaking the (ugly, but you know, we’re not yet in a position to replace it, so not ready to ruin it) kitchen’s drop-ceiling, or worse, shortcircuiting the kitchen ceiling lights.

Still, I am superstitious and paranoid about things for a while when my house has gone crumbly on me, even after I fix things (we replaced our roof two years ago, almost, and I still run up to check that things aren’t leaking when it rains heavily, because we spent three grand on a rubber roof with a 20 year materials warranty and I’m paranoid), so I took a short shower, did not shave my legs, and then ran downstairs to the kitchen as soon as I was dry so I could check and make sure that nothing was leaking. Because you never know, it could be leaking secretly. Just to vex me.

11.23.06

Postcard

Posted in Belovedary, domesticity, good things, relationships at 10:39 pm by Hanne Blank

Fancy Hats Thanksgiving

My Belovedary and I had a wonderful Goofy Hats Thanksgiving.  Hope that yours was similarly grand, whether it involved Goofy Hats or not.  And if it was merely another Thursday where you live, let it simply be noted that Goofy Hats can brighten pretty much any day you like.

Love,
Hanne

11.14.06

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Bat-MAAAAAAN!

Posted in Belovedary, geek at 8:34 am by Hanne Blank

This morning, my Belovedary read to me a snippet of this news story, in which the process of teaching some dolphins to “sing” a bit of the theme song from Batman was described.

Now, I must confess that the idea of dolphins singing the Batman theme fills me with joy.  Because, really, what’s not to like?  Dolphins plus cartoony TV theme songs equals a guaranteed good time in my book.  Personally I think they should teach the dolphins the theme song from The Simpsons.
But I have to wonder just what the humans think they’re teaching the dolphins, really.

The dolphins, as I mentioned to the Belovedary, are probably just playing with the humans.  They’re swimming around their tank in the dolphinarium, going “Yeah, yeah, I know, but look, they give us fish, and it’s always warm here, and there are no sharks… yes, I know we wrote it.  And the B-Minor Mass, and all those symphonies, and Don Giovanni, and The White Album.  Yes, of course I remember that Bob Dolphin wrote Purple Rain.  What, you think I’d forget a thing like that? No, Ethel and Skippy did all the early Stravinsky, not Ted.  Ted was busy.  Anyway, shut up and look cute, they’re coming back with the fish bucket!  Look, I told you we should’ve evolved opposable thumbs.  Secret to everything, opposable thumbs…na na na na na na na na BAT MAAAAAN!”

10.13.06

3:30 a.m.

Posted in Belovedary, arrrrgh, cooking at 3:01 am by Hanne Blank

Let’s not go into the reasons I’m awake right now. Suffice to say that I am, and I have to be up yet for a little while, and if I don’t do something that is at least moderately active, even if it only requires that I wiggle my fingers to generate text in a window on my computer screen, I will fall back to sleep and I can’t do that right now. (Plus, while I can touch type, I cannot touch-read a book, so there’s that.)

As a result you get a snapshot of the contents of my head at this unkind hour. Things about which I have been thinking as I’ve stumbled around blinking, notions that have bubbled their way through the semipermeable barrier between REM sleep and premature consciousness.

1. I still think it would be way cool to have 108 braids with turquoise and amber and carnelian beads braided into them.

2. Why don’t dogs have special emergency backup bladders for those times when they’re out on a particularly long walk and they discover that they have more trees and lampposts that they need to territory-mark than they have pee to do it with?

3. I hate the way my bad arm gets so cold at night. It feels icy around my elbow (where the nerve problem and RSI are) even now, despite wearing an arm warmer and a long sleeved hoodie.

4. The beads on the pendant I was working on last night really do look a bit like octopus’ eggs. Cool.

5. One nine-ounce bar of Scharffen Berger unsweetened chocolate is exactly the right amount to make two 9×9 pans of the best brownies you’ll ever eat. I am still very pleased by the sight of the brownies I made yesterday. I look forward to eating another one of them later on today. You know, when I’m awake.

6. In another life I think I am a singer for Cirque du Soleil. One of the road companies, not one of the stationary productions.

7. I’m so glad that I don’t lead the kind of life where I would ever be required to look presentable at this hour. Simply sitting up and being clothed right now is hard enough.

8. I wonder if my grandmother has tried to make the Thai sticky rice recipe I sent her recently. She apparently tried sticky rice with coconut and mango a while back in some restaurant or other and was very taken with it, and I mentioned that it is easy to make, and she asked for the recipe.

9. I have a headache. Waking up in the middle of heavy sleep always seems to give me one. I wonder why that is?

10. My dog needs a bath and a haircut. So do I, for that matter.

Oh oh oh oh oh. It is *so* past time for me to be able to go back to sleep. Soon. Soooooooooooon. Not soon enough, but soon.

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